Amazons gone wild!

Believe it or not we came across another Amazon item that, uh, moved the massses. (In this context, we're just praying we're wrong about our 'unwashed masses' slogan.) Before the Head Amazon spots and deep-sixes it, we'll save some of the 'reviews' for the ages. Yep, one day, they'll dig up an Internet time capsule, find this baby, and bury it deeper.

This time, apparently the product begged for (what we're now Officially Christening) 'The Amazon Treatment' due to its intrinsic nature - it's an anal douche. OK, you've been warned, so here we go:

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Great product, but... [SARA CYNTHIA SYLVIA STOUT] "We should all feel a little concerned with the "Order it used" button on the right. "

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Order it used [LUMPY OATMEAL] "I don't see the 'order it used' link, but I do see a button titled "Add to Wedding Registry" which is almost as funny."

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A life changing tool! [A.N. ROMAN] "I used to be just like you. Lonely, sad, dirty. I too would frantically mensturate while violently fisting with the curling iron, but it didn't do anything for me. My grades suffered, my friends stopped talking to me, and my horse ran away to Tobey Keith's house. Needless to say, my life was in shambles. What was it that set me apart from everyone else who wildly masturbated anally? This was the question that haunted me for my teen years. But then, I was shown this product. In more ways than one.

I can't begin to tell you about the sensation I get just looking at this thing. I mean, some tools have weird names like the "Vibro Thunder 3000" or "Anus the Menace X". But this...it gets right to the point. ANAL DOUCHE. This was my ray of hope, and I ordered it, hoping for the best. I got the best, and much more. As you can see, it has a perfect 5 star average rating, so I don't need to go into much detail. But let me tell you, its use doesn't end in the anal category. I cram this sucker right in my urethra for that extra smooth feeling in the front as well. Sometimes I'll let someone else use it at the same time. Just as long as I get to shout "VON DOOM" upon reaching 100% clean. I haven't been happier. I haven't seen anything more beautiful, in all my life. I believe, that I could write poetry about it. Anal Douche...THE LEGACY. I named mine "Bobby Corwen". What'd you name yours?"

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This product has so many uses! [SMITH T. AAMES 's.t.a.'] "In addition to the many fine points my fellow reviewers have made about the anal douche and its uses, there are a few other ways in which this product can be used to improve your life.

1. What could be funnier than watching your mother-in-law unwrap an anal douche on Christmas morning? Based on my experience in December 1998, nothing.

2. If you should ever encounter a man dying of thirst, there is no better way to give him the water of life than drop by drop through an anal douche. I've found that even the most desperate of men will think twice before accepting a drink from my brown baster!

3. Speaking of basters, there's no rule that the anal douche must be used in the anus. I find the anal douche quite useful to use when artificially inseminating my dogs. I imagine it would be the same for human women. Thanks to the anal douche, I now have little Moochie Pie.

4. Emergency eye wash!

5. Great for watering small plants.

6. Useful for suctioning nasal mucus and other unpleasant bodily products.

In conclusion, the anal douche is a fine product with many socially acceptable uses. I think we should all bring a little more anal douche into our homes!"

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omg! a++++ BUY IT NOW [JIMMY McCRAE 'fill me up sweetie'] " 'oh god i love my new anal douche!' that's exactly what i scream every time my secretive boyfriend rams it right up my anus. this is no joke. my girlfriend would never understand the anal pleasure associated with my butthole. i tried to get her to insert a finger and she seemed oddly unstimulated. after ordering my new anal douche and my PLENTY of anal lubricant i couldnt be more satisfied. gay or strait everyone needs an anal douche. 5 STARS A+++ so great!!!!"

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Throw Your Turkey Baster Away Boys!!! [JASON ELLISON] "When my anal douche finally arrived, I was so excited that I dropped trou right in front of Samuel, the UPS man. He opened the box for me and showed me how to "Go Brown". Needless to say, 30 minutes later, my insides were sparkling. My boyfriend even ate a salad from it later. He tossed it first of course.... "

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Really gets my tank in order [MICHAEL T. BYRNE] "I find this to be most relaxing in the morning, though I switch the lubricant to a nice chianti. I find the combination loosens the all-fava bean diet I've been enjoying lately. With one of these in me before I head down to the office, I find that I'm really able to be the "titan of industry" I pretend to be without anyone knowing my not-so-dirty-anymore little secret."

{UPDATE: We're being made aware of other instances like these, so we're compiling yet another post on 'The Amazon Treatment'. If anyone's seen 'reviews' like these for other Amazon products, please let us know! SIDEBAR: What happened when we posted this.}